Elle girl horoscopes aries

First, starting with Aries, there are six positive signs, also called male signs, alternating with six negative signs or feminine signs. Some people prefer the terms of Yin and Yang to be less sexist. It is the quadricity of the zodiac. Fireworks and explosions erupt in the background. Romeo punches Paris until he explodes into bones and fleshy blood-clumps Mortal Combat style. Romeo and Juliet have aggressive sex all over the crypt. Romeo and Juliet defy their families by falling in love and eating cupcakes with both vanilla and chocolate frosting. The lovers fall into diabetic comas and spend eternity in a peaceful, sugary slumber.

Gemini: Romeo pretends to like Juliet to make Rosaline jealous. Juliet pretends to like Romeo to rebel against her oppressive parents. Romeo falls genuinely in love with Juliet, who manipulates him into marrying her in secret. Juliet develops schizophrenia, and stabs Romeo to death in his sleep. Juliet runs away to join the circus, becomes a world-class trapeze artist, and occasionally writes disturbing poetry a la Sylvia Plath.

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Cancer: Romeo and Juliet were born to be together. They meet as fate had predetermined and fall madly in love. They have a fantastical wedding and the whole city gathers to throw roses and eat cake. Juliet has three sets of twins and wins several beauty pageants. Romeo is devoted to his family, and has a shining career as a knight. They all have fabulous frizz-free hair. Dreams come true. Love conquers all. Leo: Romeo is a bad boy with a heart of gold. He falls passionately in love for the first time in his life.

He becomes devoted to Juliet and woos her over the course of months with flower bouquets and cheesy pickup lines. Virgo: Juliet loves the idea of being in love and marries Romeo on the spot. She swiftly finds herself stifled by her duties as a housewife and her own intrinsic pressure to be perfect. Her increasing hysteria drives Romeo back into the arms of an exciting, rebellious mistress. Juliet discovers his betrayal and suffers a nervous breakdown. Romeo and Juliet eventually mend their marriage with the help of homemade cookies and Xanax.

Libra: Juliet is in love with Romeo but Romeo cannot marry Juliet, because he is a pair of scales.


Scorpio: Romeo is a misunderstood gothic teenager. Juliet is a misunderstood gothic teenager. They spend their days dying their hair unorthodox colors and being edgy. When their families try to force them apart, the lovers commit suicide and spend eternity together as ghosts.

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Sagittarius: Romeo eats some mushrooms in the woods and begins hallucinating. He falls passionately in love with what he thinks is a teenage girl named Juliet, but is in actuality a raccoon. After a night of booze-ridden, hallucinogenic antics, Romeo contracts rabies and dies an agonizing death. Capricorn: Juliet is attracted to Romeo, but soon realizes that her future economic and social prospects would be better served by marrying Paris. She does so, raises three beautiful children, and launches a successful wool-dying industry. In their old age the two reunite, and arrange for their children to marry so that their two families may finally become one.

Aquarius: Romeo and Juliet share a night of passion, then go their separate ways. They decide to place the peace and happiness of their community before their own desire, and find inner bliss through meditation and good deeds. Juliet opens a soup kitchen and shelter for the homeless, while Romeo becomes a follower of Saint Francis and spends his days feeding baby animals in the forest.

Pisces: Romeo and Juliet enjoy really hot sex, but are bothered by the familial disharmony caused by their union. They eventually embrace an open relationship, welcoming Paris into their marriage and pleasing everyone in the process. Romeo and Paris contribute equally to housework and raising the children, while Juliet opens a wine shop.

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Aries: A Blue Volcano in Ethiopia. The glow comes from the combustion of sulfuric gases that are pushed through the cracks of the volcano at high temperatures. Taurus : Wave Rock located in Australia. This rock is strong, deep, and carefully made- reminiscent of a Taurus. Gemini : Nacreous Clouds. These incredible clouds are extremely rare, because normally, the stratosphere is quite dry and clouds cannot form. Cancer : Glowing Ocean Vaadhoo Island. These patches of ocean literally reflect the starry night sky. According to marine biologists, the glowing is caused by a massive red tide of bioluminescent phytoplankton called Lingulodinium polyedrum.

The microorganisms emit light in response to stress, such as when a wave crashes into the shore. Finances may improve through unusual, hidden, or unexpected channels, and you're tuning in quite beautifully to trends that can help generate business ideas and approaches, especially around the You're learning the benefits of being patient with the people in your life.

While you tend to work best independently most of the time, October is suitable for doing some collaborating. Others can be sounding boards for business or monetary strategies. Verbalizing a fear may help take away much of its power! It's a great time for being around others, as there can be some happy and encouraging exchanges.

Close relationships and partnerships benefit significantly from sharing ideas and plans. People have useful or inspiring things to share with you. You could get a sobering reminder of rules or limits around the , prompting a fresh start or new beginning. It gives you the chance to make useful edits and adjustments.

Mercury's retrograde turn on the 31st is another reason to slow down and review. You may need to return to projects you thought were complete. The year brings fabulous energy for both work and exploration, dear Aries. On the one hand, you have heavyweight planets pushing you to perform and accomplish this year and much of the next. It can be a time of quite a bit of hard work and recognition.

Changes are necessary in the process, and while you can feel overtaxed and possibly pressured at times, these are improvements that will benefit you for years to come! On the other hand, you have Jupiter encouraging you to explore, discover, and enjoy life to its fullest. This means stepping out of the office or out of your comfort zone from time to time and making the most of your time away.

Adventure, travel, and learning may be on the agenda now, and these can be immensely satisfying.

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Still another strong force this year is about your home and family or personal life. How will you manage all of these things? Uranus was in Aries since , pushing you to find yourself and assert your independence. Uranus moves into your resources sector and will stay there all the way until , and you now begin a phase in which you treat your money, business, and possessions quite differently.

It can be a time of some upheaval and unpredictability, but also innovation and progress with these matters. Changes in these areas can free yourself up for an opportunity period with your work and health from the end of August through September. Whether money means freedom to you or freedom is about detachment from certain possessions, this is a time of an evolving relationship with your material affairs. The year can be an active and satisfying period for publishing, sharing your ideas, and learning new skills that will boost the upcoming career boon, starting in December and running through most of Uranus comes to the end of its approximately 7-year transit of your sign, dear Aries, and moves on permanently in March , although you had a taste of this from May to November Independence tends to trump other drives in most areas of your life, including relationships!

Relationships may be a little unstable as a result, but this theme is now coming to an end, once and for all. But take care not to put her on a pedestal too early on.

Praise her when she deserves it but also keep in mind that hanging her about for too long might fizzle out her interest in you. Finally both Aries men and women are energetic and passionate lovers. They are quite capable of arousing you with mere words and then delighting in a playful romp in bed.

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They are extremely creative, exciting and quite inventive while making love. However the thing to remember about Aries lovers is that they more often than not they tend to put their desires first. An Aries guy will promise you the moon before seducing you and then expect you to be thrilled with whatever they have to offer and considering their natural charm, most probably you will.

The best thing to do with an Aries guy is to take everything he says with a grain of salt. You know he means it intensely when he says it but it is simply not in his nature to be held to promises made in the past.


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This wandering streak is also apparent in the Aries woman. No matter how good a time you have had with her, she simply cannot be tied to a leash.

She needs the freedom to express her varied interests and to burn off her abundant energy. If you are looking for commitment from an Aries lover, your best bet lies in letting them know you are strong enough to take their waywardness in stride. If he or she tries to pull away, let them do so.

Trying to hold them back will only make them want to run away faster. If they truly love you and when they are ready to realize this, they will come back to you. But before that they need to know that you are emotionally independent and mature enough for a long term relationship.